Updated: Jan 4, 2021
We don't celebrate festivals. None, to be precise. We do not profess any religion and we do not identify ourselves with any guru or community. We get to know the physical and spiritual world and discover it. By collecting experiences and reflections, we build our own view.
In my opinion, each religion speaks of the same god, whether it is presented as a mono- or polytheistic religion. My truth is that the world is a form of energy, more and less condensed. Everything is energy and everything vibrates. Everyone has a divine part in them and everyone is god. On an energy level, we are all one because everything is intertwined anyway. Everything is interconnected and dependent on each other. There are no worse and there is no better. Everyone is at the right time and at the right point. Doing something bad to someone is like doing something bad to ourselves. Doing true goodness is when we do not tickle our ego, that is, we do not do the right thing just to make us feel better. Instead it comes from us as a natural unconditional reflex of our entity.
Once a friend of mine asked me"... then where will your children get the core values from if they don't learn it through religion?" It was such a shocking question for me that I didn't know how to answer. Not because I didn't know what to answer, but because someone might even have the idea to ask such a trivial question. “My children will learn from me and my husband. From parents. I will teach them what I think is right, not what someone imposes on me”, I replied.
From the very beginning, my children know that there is no Santa Claus, no Tooth-Fairy and other strange creatures. It is hard for most people to imagine no Christmas tree, no basket Easter, no hearts on Valentine's Day, or not going to the cemetery on All Saints' Day.
It has all started when I learned as a child that there was no Santa Claus. My friend, whom I did not believe at first, told me about it. I thought, my parents wouldn't deceive me to the point by lying for so many years that the Santa, and not them, brings gifts ...? ... I know that from their point of view, they thought they were doing something that was good for me. They did it because everyone else did it and their parents did it and the kids were happy about it. However, it was a turning point for me, when, after my parents confirmed the disarming truth, I was overwhelmed by rage, pain, despair, disappointment ... I was disappointed with people whom I believed in and whom I trusted.
From a parent's perspective, my emotions seemed to be absurd and exaggerated, but no one realized what I was going on inside me and how much it affected my relationship with my parents. At least for a while, because then after the anger subsided, the grievances also faded away and I was ready to make a decision to forgive them. Nevertheless, the process of forgiving them took me a long time, and this incident gave me a lot to think about. Back then, I made a decision that when I had children, I wouldn't lie to them. And so I do.
I also try to be flexible and encourage my children to talk to me. My older daughter told me this year that she is grateful to me for not lying to her and telling her the truth, and that other kids don't have this sort of luxury as she has. It made me very happy because it confirmed that what I am doing is right. If I want to build a trusting relationship with my children, why lying to them? For a couple of years of artificial Christmas excitement?
We don't celebrate holidays. We don't have Christmas Eve, we don't have a Christmas tree and we don't sing Christmas carols. All we allow is let the grandparents buy a Christmas gift for the kids if they want to. It is somehow important to my parents, so I agreed to it, and I always explain to the children why. And this time they know the truth. My girls like to receive gifts, I think every child likes it. At the same time, they do not care what day it is, or on what occasion the present was given to them. It is very important not to leave your child without explaining a decision or some action you or someone else did. The child must know why.
Do we give children gifts? Yes, but not for Christmas, just for no occasion. The only occasion that is celebrated by us are birthdays.
When my daughter's first tooth fell out, she didn't know yet what a Tooth Fairy was (neither did I). She found out from her friends and came to me with questions on this topic. We talked and Nel, satisfied with the information, thanked me and went away to clear it in her head. After some time she came back and asked me if it were possible, that she would put a tooth under the pillow and I would put a gift for her. I was concerned that maybe she would like to believe in the Tooth Fairy, but she reassured me that it was not the case. The point was that she likes to receive gifts and surprises and she uses every opportunity to get something nice. These were her words. My child's honesty was very valuable to me and I reassured myself that we are still on the right track :)
Someone may say that all these holidays are such a beautiful tradition that is worth cultivating. Are you sure? What is tradition? Duplicating patterns that someone once invented? For what? We are rather anti-systematic and we try not to follow the masses, but to live our lives, creating our own tradition. We build our own rules to be free, not trapped in patterns.
I don't want to go to any extremes. I balance it all by trying to fit in with my life ideas. I know it is also important for my kids. However, I always put our principles first.