Every day I learn how to properly build a good relationship with my children. This is not a one-off process, but an ongoing one. However, if you build the right foundation, it becomes easier later on.
I gain a lot by having this special bond with my children. Of course I am not always calm, it happens sometimes that I raise my voice, but rarely. There are no positives coming out of it whatsoever.
There aren't any situations where my children do not want to listen to me, but they have also the right to have their opinion and I am open to talk . They come to me with their problems. They come to me for support when they need it. They share their achievements, joys and sorrows. I have achieved this mainly by stop thinking from my perspective and trying to see the world from the perspective of a young child who is just discovering and learning life. Self-control and peace of mind in stressful situations is fundamental here. How I behave at the beginning of a situation will dictate the entire course of this situation. My shouting would only make the situation worse. Many children sometimes say things in the first stage of anger that they don't think at all, or that they don't even remember saying after 5 minutes.
Children learn behaviour by watching their parents, whether we like it or not. If a child spills beetroot soup on a white tablecloth and on a beautiful 'Sunday' dress, let's not panic (although for some this may seem like quite a challenge). Instead of lamenting, shouting and getting angry, it is better to hug the child, explain the situation and look for solutions TOGETHER (like: clean up, wash the stains off, change clothes). In this way we teach the child how to deal with stressful situations or how to solve problems. There is no chance that this will not pay off in the future. We learn the life based on the little things. It is only when we grow up (with this sort of background) that we can deal effectively with the situations we encounter in life.
It is important for the child to know that feeling all emotions is ok. "Boys don't cry" or "a good girl shouldn't scream" are totally wrong to say. Suppressing emotions will cause the child to build a wall, which will be difficult to break down years later. Building a relationship with a child will become very difficult then. You need to talk about emotions with your child. Both about your own and to help the child learn and understand his/her emotions.
Know your worth. If your child sees that you respect, love and accept yourself, they will also want to be that way. Can you write down on a piece of paper what you consider positive about yourself? What nice things have you achieved? What are you proud of? Some people find it very difficult to do this. Try to write one thing every morning or evening. It can be related to something that happened that day. With time, this will come easily and you will begin to accept and love yourself.
The role of a parent, an aware, conscious parent, is incredibly important in raising a child who is confident and knows its worth. I learned self-discipline and self-control through my children. I am still learning. I owe them so much. I give them as much as I can and as best I can.
Do it as well. Do it for your child and for yourself.
